7 Too Drunk, Too Ugly, Too Old
© 2010 Hoke Simpson/No Alibi Music ASCAP
Too Drunk, Too Ugly, Too Old
Hmmm, hmmm
Hmmm, hmmm
Pardon me madam
Could I have this dance
I think that this evenin’
Could use some romance
I’ll give the bartender
A nod and a wink
We’ll whirl ‘round the floor
Then I’ll buy you a drink
She turned her head sideways
An’ looked at me cool
Said keep your big butt
Planted right on that stool
I gotta be honest
Don’t mean to be cold
But since you done asked me
You’re too drunk, too ugly, too old.
Hmmm, hmmm
Hmmm, hmmm
I got some ol’ gal’s number
An’ called for a date
Said let’s go to dinner
We won’t stay out late
We kin hit Mickey D’s
Then go for a beer
An’ maybe a nightcap
At a bar close to here
Then the line filled with silence
While she caught her breath
She was either real thrilled
Or I’d scared her to death
She said I know who this is
An’ I thought you’d been told
But let me remind you
You’re too drunk, too ugly, too old.
Hmmm, hmmm
Hmmm, hmmm
Well I stand on the corner
An’ sometimes I wait
With a sensuous stare
An’ a smile for my bait
An’ when a good looker
Stops for the light
I whistle her up
To see if she’ll bite
She says you drink beer for breakfast
An’ vodka for lunch
You don’t know a dentist
An’ you don’t bathe a bunch
But you stand here recruitin’
All brazen an’ bold
But I gotta tell ya
You’re too drunk, too ugly, too old.
Hmmm, hmmm
Hmmm, hmmm